The yard Christmas dinner is at The Station pub, a good food pub, or so I understand. I’ve been there once before for lunch, but can’t actually remember the lunch, which means it was neither outstanding nor dismal.
I arrive at the pub, park my car and notice the notice that says, ‘absoulutely no parking for pub customers’, so I move my car and park on the main road. This is not a good start.
I look at my watch. I’ll just about be in time. I dash to the pub door and push it. It doesn’t open. I pull it. It doesn’t open. I push it again. It still doesn’t open. People inside the pub look at the door This is embarrassing. I walk round the front of the pub to see if there’s another door. There’s not. I walk round the back of the pub to see if there’s another door there. There’s not. I walk back to the door, where I started. The inside people at the bar look at me as if I have escaped from somewhere. I push the door again. I pull it. I stand and wait…
I rattle the door again and sigh and this door still does not push. Neither does it pull. I now feel as if I have been outside the pub for a lifetime. As my eyes get used to the gloaming I realize the door to the Station pub is not locked to keep the diners warm, it has a latch.
Finally, I manage to open the door to the pub. The people on bar stools at the bar look at me as if to say the person who has escaped from somewhere has managed to get in the pub.
I think, thank God we are going to be seated in the snug.
I walk through the door and close it quietly behind me. A hundred eyes are on me.
To my left is a table with an older couple seated at it, “Behind you, you’ve not shut the door,” squawks the woman.
Stunned, I push the door until it clicks behind me.
The squawking older couple woman carries on eating her turkey pie.
I am still reeling with incredulity and as I pass the couple’s table and I say “Thank you might be nice.”
I don’t wait for her reply but spirit myself to the snug. I sink down on a chair and think, this evening can only get better.
“Happy Christmas!” I pin my sparkly pony name badge/place setting on my jumper.
I think I need a drink but unfortunately I am driving.